Doing the Repairs of Life

Doing the Repairs

of Life

Doing Repairs in your home can be a bit like exposing your home to the world.  On this little island of Antigua, in the Caribbean, in the West Indies, in the capital city of St. John’s, in the heart of town, having repairs done to your home can be like a microcosm event, similar to the Hiroshima bombing.  People see the men working.  They hear the noise of the hammer hitting the nails, the sound of the drill.  And of course you know us Antiguans are curious.  So we slow down and take a peek.  We wonder how the residents live.  What does it look like inside?  Is it clean?  And what needs repair?  Doing repairs on your home can compare to the repairs of your life.  After you’ve done enough repairs you learn to abandon the cosmetic changes and stick to the strong foundation and building a secure structure.  As I am approaching age thirty-eight I am looking forward to leaving trivial things behind, embracing mid-life and loving myself.

 

I am looking forward to leaving trivialities behind, I have had the peak of my beauty and enjoyed it.  I’ve had men tell me I am beautiful.  I’ve had men hit on me numerous times.  I’ve had modeling agencies ask me to join, in the days I was super slim in my youth.  I’ve had not many, but a few boyfriends.  I’ve also been engaged and got the ring twice.  I’ve been married too.  So as you can see I’ve done the beauty thing.  At this point in my life I am looking to enjoy life without worries of keeping up with beauty.  I am now at the point that I must embrace wrinkles, as I see my forehead creasing.  I try not to think of being thin, but more about being healthy, as I exercise and look to slim down.  Beauty is great, and many covet to have it, but not everyone has it and most people can’t keep it even if they do.  So at this point I choose to leave it behind and focus on things that are more permanent or at least that I can control.  Don’t get me wrong, I wanted beauty in my twenties and early thirties, but my peak has passed, I enjoyed it and now want to focus on less fleeting areas of my life.

Days away from almost turning almost 40, I have had my youth and I am ready to embrace midlife and all that God has to go with it.  As time passes, minutes, hours, days and I approach age thirty-eight, I look back and realize that my life really hasn’t been that bad.  There were tough times, but for the most part, it was all beneficial to bring me to this part of my life that I am now enjoying, thanks to God.  Hard times like when my parents got divorced and all the drama that went with that.  Living with family friends and running from my dad, afraid that he would hurt us.  Drama like growing up on only my mother’s government assisted income, while she did the best to raise my sister and I.  That’s like single parent stress to the extreme!  A government income is not sufficient for one, let alone three.  Drama like dealing with my own mental illness and struggling with the daily internal fight I face with my own insecurities versus the reality of life.  That’s how I learned to be more than a conqueror.  I had no choice, but to be more than a conqueror, or die.  I tried the later, but it didn’t work for me.  I look at mid-life in relief.  Now I am in control.  I’ve finally got here, and oh, how long I have waited for you, mid-life. I am ready for you mid-life, God has been good and I am finally here.

I am loving the skin I am in; alone, but not lonely.  Although I am alone a lot, strangely enough I am not generally lonely.  At times, I do feel pangs of aloneness, but for the most part I enjoy my time alone, as time to focus on myself, time to recoup and time to reflect.  When I feel alone I do an alone activity or call a friend.  I have had men approach me because they see me alone and think I must want to have someone with me.  But each time I refuse them, I love myself and I am happy alone and don’t want someone to come into my life just to take advantage of me.    I have learned from observation that there are some people that target persons they think are less fortunate than them and want to use them.  That won’t be me.  I love me.  I don’t need them and don’t want them in my life. I choose to love myself, I am alone; but not lonely.

Doing repairs on your home can be a bit like baring your soul to the world on this little island, but sometimes the repairs we really need to do are on our own souls.  Days away from age thirty eight, and I have gained wisdom, I realize it’s most pertinent to press forward, to focus on what’s important, and for me to show myself the affection I deserve.  Now I will leave the enjoyment of my mirror image in the past and concentrate on the more significant magnitudes of my life.  I am prepared for the next stage.  I will relish it and all that God provides with it.  I am truly beginning to love the epidermis God has provided me with, creased or not and at times I may be alone, but so far from lonely.  I choose to be the greatest lover in my own life.

Happy Birthday, Junel! (From, well you know who.)