Insight

Being diagnosed days before my sixteenth birthday, and dealing with this condition for over 20 years; I've gained insight.


I know what it is like to be treated normal and I know what it is like to be treated like a mental patient.  Once again, I walk a tight rope, balancing between the knowledge of sanity and insanity.

I started my employment career in Canada, my native land working for a government entity, or two.  I was a good worker, always punctual, good attendance and hard working.  The secret was safe, no one was the wiser that I managed a mental illness.


I later migrated to the Caribbean,

once again working for the government for seven years.  By now, a few people knew, but were willing to keep it to themselves.  It wasn't until my short lived marriage failed and my mother's mental illness recurrence that the news hit the fan and my health became common public knowledge.


As one can gather, I have a number of points which balance the teeter totter of my understanding.  One, I can understand what life was like before my mental illness.  Growing up in a single parent home, which was stress due to finances.  On the other hand, I can understand what life has been like to journey through my own mental illness, the ups and downs, the highs and lows and the insecurities.  I can understand what it's like to peep in the window and watch what it was like to view my mother's mental health path and how helpless I felt to be able to aid her.  I can understand what it's like to be treated like a mental patient, even when I may not be at a health care institution.  And lastly, I can understand what it's like to be a caregiver of a mental patient; through the avenue of my mother's recurrence of mental health issues for a short period.

I am now at the point in my journey that I realize that I cannot allow persons to try to put me in to mental slavery.  That may sound drastic and exaggeratory; but once it is recognized that a person has a mental illness people treat them differently than if the person had not.  They treat the person like they have authority over them or lower than them.  Like a person has to answer to basically any ole' person.  Not necessarily a doctor or a nurse.  Similar to being treated like a child, when the recipient is an independent adult. 


But I've realized the secret!  I remember once hearing someone say that people may laugh at you, but you have to give them permission to embarrass you.  Which means I can only be embarrassed if I allow it or accept it or receive the embarrassment.  After all, I am in control of how I respond to situations.  Now that I know that, I don't accept people treating me like that.  This mind set is what gives nurses and doctors power apart from the power of their position or credentials.  It is literally a mental stronghold.  Now don't get me wrong nurses and doctors are great, but when I am not in a doctor’s office I will not allow any one to treat me like I am.  When I observe and see persons trying to exercise that on me I choose not to accept it.  I keep my head high, stay confident, secure, and remind myself of who I truly am.