Caught in the Fight

Don't get caught up in life's fight.  Realize when it is time to relax, time to rest and time to enjoy.  Sometimes when life has been a fight for a long time we can get so caught up, so accustomed to the fight or flight mentality that it becomes your norm and you don't understand how to be at rest or how to enjoy the good.  You bypass the good, for the competitive possibility of greener grass, instead of enjoying the lush green provided for you. 

It's sad when we're meant to enjoy the grass right in front of us, carefully provided for us and we push the plate away.  I think what may be worst is that we don't even realize that our provision is sitting there right in front of us.  Maybe we haven't graduated to the level that we recognize that it is there for us.  Life could be so easy if we could just learn to discern what is meant for us and what is not for us. 

I wanted to be married and have children.  But one, my marriage didn't work out.  And two, I would be a very high risk pregnancy due to the pills I have to take.  And if I stopped taking them for a period as suggested I may never come back to the point I recognize as my normal after delivering a child.  Which would put me in a danger zone and I may not be well enough to take care of the baby after having it and that's the reason I choose not to have children.  My greener grass could be to migrate and look for another mate and have children, high risk and all.  But why don't I enjoy the simple, comfortable life provided right in front of me.  Why not enjoy life without a mate or children.  Many people do that everyday all over the world.  I've grown to enjoy, like and thrive in my simple life, the life God allowed and provided for me.  And the wounds of not having the marriage I wanted or the children I wanted has healed.  And healed to the point that I can be happy for people who have thriving marriages and children.  I can enjoy my happiness for them even though I don't have that type of happiness, but I have different types of happiness for myself.  That can be enough for me.  I get joy fulfilled in other areas of my life to balance it out.  For the first time in a long time I have peace, thankfully.  It's a feeling unlike any other and it makes me complete.  Just me and my peace.  

Montserrat 2019

 Me and my God.  And I love it!