Is the Stress Worth It?

You want what you think is a need, but '"is the stress attached to it worth it"?  This is a great question everyone should be asking themselves all the time.  I hear my co-workers, I hear customers, I hear people on the street and I have watched TV shows; what do they all have in common?  Persons that want to fulfill what they think are needs.  Literally working towards fulfilling these needs, but sometimes it seems that they don’t ask themselves this very question.  Asking yourself this question and answering it honestly could save you a lot of heartache.

Ask yourself do I need to fulfill this ‘need’?  (Buying something you know you can’t afford.)  Is the stress attached to paying for this purchase worth it?

Everyone needs money,


but do we have to buy something
that is a want and not a need.
We need to practice saying
 "no" to ourselves
more often! 

Ask yourself do I need to fulfill the need for companionship by having a boyfriend?  Is it worth the stress?  

I was in a brain fog.  I met this guy at my workplace he was and still is a customer.  It’s funny because I saw him less than a week ago and my reaction was 'classic'.  I will give you a little background.  He is an older gentleman, old enough to be my father, but I was still interested.  He seemed to have an interest too.  (Why wouldn't he?  I'm half his age, beautiful and fit.) He would come, buy food and I would serve him.  It was only once I saw him in the parking lot and we had an opportunity to have a short conversation.  He thrilled me!  He made my blood boil.  When I saw him the hair on my arms would stand up.  I would feel chills.  I had seen him previously in town and avoided the connection.  But this time in the parking lot would be different.  He saw me and called me over.   We talked a moment or two.  We had a conversation, I was coy and flirtatious and when I went to make my exit by walking away, like a scene from Gone with the Wind or a Danielle Steel novel he grabbed my hand and wouldn’t let go.  And so text book I literally glanced at the hand he kept holding, the hand he chose not to let go of.  As he talked, and right now I can’t quite recall what he had spoken about; but I do remember that even at that time, he was still holding my hand. 

I chose to go out on a limb, I did something that I had never done before, instead of waiting for him to ask for my number or give me his.  I invited him to meet me at a romantic restaurant on a certain date, at a certain time.  I then retrieved my hand and exited.  I felt on cloud nine for quite some time there afterwards. 

I believe I was on cloud nine up until the time of our arranged meeting.  I bathed and dressed and prepared for this anticipated outing.  I was beautiful, poised and sexy.  I arrived at the meeting place and waited.  And waited.  Well by now you can come to the conclusion that I was stood up.  When I realized I was stood up, waiting so beautifully in this romantic restaurant, (well I wasn’t going to waste the outing) I ordered a soup and drank it alone in this restaurant as it was a night that no one else was there.  I finished the soup, paid, gave the tip and then left.

I could dictate to you the myriad of feelings I had, but at this point they’re not so important.  So, like I said I saw him less than a week ago and the reaction I had is now what is most important.

I had a moment or two, to react as I heard his voice as he spoke with one of my co-workers.  Now this is the time most people would wish they had time to rehearse a reply.  A real zinger that could put him in his place for standing me up.   But I had no time for that.  And what came out of my mouth came from the heart and I could not have performed it any better if I had had the time to rehearse it.

He said “Junel”, “Junel!” in only the way a man can, a hungry man, a man 'thirsty' for his most vital passions can say it.  I was cold, and calculated with him at first.  Totally professional, doing my job.  I took his ticket, got his meal plate and began to ask him what he would be having to eat.  After the formality of performing my duty was accomplished.  I said to him, “You know, I remember you, and I can’t help but be grateful, you saved me a lot of heartache, thank you.”  And he awkwardly said “you’re welcome”, not knowing what he was truly responding to.  And I have the feeling this post will indeed have a follow up as the next few interactions occur while he is here on vacation, so look out for it. 



There are few
things in life
 one really needs,
water is one of
them.  Shelter, Food,
those are the true
needs.

I am now grateful because I can now visualize the path I would have taken had he made the appointment.  We would have gotten sexual, rather rapidly since after all he was just here on vacation not much time to form a courtship really.  And after he left I would need someone else to fill his void.  Now at this time I had been estranged from my husband a couple of years.  I admit I am not perfect and the action would have been wrong.  But tell me which one of you is perfect and has done no wrong; at least I admit it.  But interestingly enough after this encounter I had decided to be celibate and to not look for a mate.  I guess that may be one of the reasons I have not been in a rush to divorce.  When I am ready I will.

Asking yourself do you need to fulfill the need to have sex?  Or can you choose to do what may be the more responsible thing and choose to do without it.  Is it worth the stress of possibly getting pregnant and inhibiting your freedom or catching an STD or disease?  Not to mention the drama I would have incurred from supporters of my husband if they found out.  And on this small island, if is not really the question to ask.  It’s more of how fast it would become common knowledge. 

So therefore now you can understand my gratitude.  And my gratitude extends to the fact that after him I haven't pursued another.  I choose to live a life outside of romance and it is a life that is good for me.  Not everyone can do it.  But I am able and it works for me.  I guess it is not such a far cry after all, I was a virgin until I was 31 and met my husband and have not had another since and I want to keep it that way.  But I have to admit it was exciting to be so bold, I’ll never forget it or how it felt.  I will always remember how daring I was.  Once again, I am balancing between a virgin, to a woman, and back to a type of virgin state.  But now, this time deep down inside it feels really good!